Maya said" A smile on ammas face lightens my day up...i know the amount of hardships she faced to bring up both of us,criticised by the society,beared it all for our sake...times of sheer poverty,she would sleep without having food,restiched sandals would be worn at festivals..relatives sympathised and neighbours made fun of us.Raima and me would wait for the diwali sweets which she brought home in a brown paper...imagine waiting a year for the stale 'burfies'.;Lessons were meant to be learnt,she was beaten up in front of two little kids for breaking a plate..night stories would comprise of moral lessons...never hurt anyone,false hopes breed sorrows for the other person..face hardships with a smile!!I live for my family...my happiness begins and ends with them,i study to make my moms dream come true,the pride on her face when she held my trophy high...most cherished moment of my life..
Soumya said"Iknow that ur mom and sister means life to you...the tears which flow from ur big,round eyes are evident for the same...well this is one thing which i would like to take from you...ur dedicated love and sense of responsibility towards your family...its now that i can clearly understand the gap in your family,which has affected you pretty badly..also,your sense of forgivness.You dont mind giving your trust and taking on the responsibility...yet when u meet failure...u hardly grumble.There have been times when u have shouldered responsibility for me,when there was none at my side and unfortunately there have been times when i failed you...when u needed me..but...u let that phase pass without a scar...well...that day i learnt the most important part of friendship...though it made me more than just repentant.."
Maya's mom to her best friend Jaya"My daughters are the pillars of my life,i consider myself to be blessed to have Maya in my life...her smile would ever time assure that i was not alone...in this battle called..life..a desire to live was born with her.In the fourth standard she lied to me that she had an upset stomach and would not be able to go to appu ghar(school trip),i know how she loved to be on the rides with her best friend,somehow she got this news that my employer would not allow me to pick her up during work hours.My baby cried silently when she heard her friends speak about the trip..she would never question me when i couldnot buy a new frock on her birthday...She would watch her mates with their father...going for drives,movies,parks..somewhere dreaming the same for herself!...but knew that we lived seperately.I adore her for standing besides me through all trials and turmoils"
TO BE CONTD.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
BEING URSELF!!!!!
Caution :For all those people who who have this weird idea of mallus being" dark complexioned,oil sticky,kinda madrasi talking creatures".....duds!!!!get it right well to begin with kerala has the highest literacy levels in comparison to any state in the country India,next,as far as the beauty is concerned....keralite girls are considerd to be blessed with amazing features be it big beautiful eyes or the enchanting smile!!!!presence in international forums have been made by parvathy ommanakuttan,asin,nayanthara...to name a few,...accepted that guys are kind of....ok......bt gals do compensate the beauty aspect.And as far as the language is concerned hightime people!!!get hold of your social studies class 5th ncert books,madrasi is no language,tamil is the language used by tamilians and malayalam is the language used by malayalees,also they are two different states.
Delhi is a land of oppurtunities for thousands of people,irrespective of their caste,creed color,mother tounge,state whatevaa....as far as the average keralite is concerned ,delhi is a dreamworld,the moment the kerala express lands at the new delhi railway station it brings along thousands of shining hopes to make it big some day but being a mallu child raised in delhi is not at all an easy task to get through as every day passes, you seem to be struggling b/w two diffrent set of cultures,one your parents and other yours.There is an akward feeling of hanging b/w,a feeling of not belonging to either of the cultures.On the top of it being called as "madrasi" by a surd boy was the most irritating,embarassing event,though i could have called him names,but the next moment i mite have just landed up in the hospital!!!well this thought forced me to remain quite.Being called by the name of one of the leading actress of kerala was another irritating aspect(ppl felt tht i resembled her too much,my mother would be so happy to hear compliments pouring for the supposed resemblence and everytime i tried to just walk off from the place).My friend who faced a simmilar problem voiced her opinion" our parents have left kerala but kerala doesnt seem to leave them".We shared simmilar feeling of "homelessness".Being in kerala was the worse part as there , we (me and my sister)were considered to be some special inhabitants,my grandmother would proudly present this fact that to our relatives that i could not speak the language.Every time i would walk down the road ,heads would turn to the fact that "onvila(family name) elder daughters daughter doesnt know malayalam".Irritated and embarrased i tried to analyse my identity,i realised that it is important to strike a balance b/w both the cultures so as not to displease either parties,i tried to get into the whole idea of what i wanted and i realised my parents are very important to me and so are my friends.When i got to know about the culture i found its really intensity,the rich artistic workers of writers like M TVasudevannair,vaylar,KamalaSurya brought me closer to my culture,a deep realisation that culture played a very important role in shaping my attitude towards life,i learnt to be confident in front of all those "'...."" who called me madrasi,my confidence in my culture elevated my postion infront of all those who knew me,i was at absolute ease with my identity,true to myself at last but definetly upholding my urban background at the same time.I adore delhi coz its the place where i have spent my life but kerala is also very closer to me....striking a balance has been an absolute amazing experience,my friends appreciated this and i could sense that respect when they would like to know more about my homeland.
P.S- this is a testimony for all those "fraud mallus",accept the fact and REST will respect you for this...
Delhi is a land of oppurtunities for thousands of people,irrespective of their caste,creed color,mother tounge,state whatevaa....as far as the average keralite is concerned ,delhi is a dreamworld,the moment the kerala express lands at the new delhi railway station it brings along thousands of shining hopes to make it big some day but being a mallu child raised in delhi is not at all an easy task to get through as every day passes, you seem to be struggling b/w two diffrent set of cultures,one your parents and other yours.There is an akward feeling of hanging b/w,a feeling of not belonging to either of the cultures.On the top of it being called as "madrasi" by a surd boy was the most irritating,embarassing event,though i could have called him names,but the next moment i mite have just landed up in the hospital!!!well this thought forced me to remain quite.Being called by the name of one of the leading actress of kerala was another irritating aspect(ppl felt tht i resembled her too much,my mother would be so happy to hear compliments pouring for the supposed resemblence and everytime i tried to just walk off from the place).My friend who faced a simmilar problem voiced her opinion" our parents have left kerala but kerala doesnt seem to leave them".We shared simmilar feeling of "homelessness".Being in kerala was the worse part as there , we (me and my sister)were considered to be some special inhabitants,my grandmother would proudly present this fact that to our relatives that i could not speak the language.Every time i would walk down the road ,heads would turn to the fact that "onvila(family name) elder daughters daughter doesnt know malayalam".Irritated and embarrased i tried to analyse my identity,i realised that it is important to strike a balance b/w both the cultures so as not to displease either parties,i tried to get into the whole idea of what i wanted and i realised my parents are very important to me and so are my friends.When i got to know about the culture i found its really intensity,the rich artistic workers of writers like M TVasudevannair,vaylar,KamalaSurya brought me closer to my culture,a deep realisation that culture played a very important role in shaping my attitude towards life,i learnt to be confident in front of all those "'...."" who called me madrasi,my confidence in my culture elevated my postion infront of all those who knew me,i was at absolute ease with my identity,true to myself at last but definetly upholding my urban background at the same time.I adore delhi coz its the place where i have spent my life but kerala is also very closer to me....striking a balance has been an absolute amazing experience,my friends appreciated this and i could sense that respect when they would like to know more about my homeland.
P.S- this is a testimony for all those "fraud mallus",accept the fact and REST will respect you for this...
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
BROKEN PIECES( 1ST PART)
" beta....this is your chacha....he will be staying with us for few days.He is looking for a job in delhi"
"hello...uncle...sorry chacha....what is in that big packet??is it uncle chips or i cream??
(bell rings....)"miriam ....are you ok..??you were crying???kya hua?your eyes have turned red.."
"Karthika....am fine...its just some old memories.."
"hmm....so you dont want tell me.....chal jaana nahi hai kya??You know what Miss Perry mentioned about this 6 year old girl who was repeatedly raped by her own uncle,the girl had bruises all over her body and had severe internal bleeding,she died on the way to hospital.The icing on the cake part is that her parents refuse to lodge a complain cooz it would tarnish the name of their family.i magine, how could people do this to their daughter...and that rascal is roaming around freely....the girl has died....what gratification did that bast*** got from this??he is gonna be tortured in hell"
Miriam said" as if this gonna make any difference to the life of that little girl...good that she died,the nail marks and injuries might just vanish after some time but what about the mental injury???ought to remain for a life time...This pain would have tortured her badly for the rest of her life.Do you know the ratio of female foeticide in our country?Its like a curse...a girl child born...she is killed for no fault of her...tortured for no fault of hers and on top of made to live a creeps life....again...for no fault of her...
Karthika said" I mean how could just the family bury this thing,think about the girl....she had to bear all this pain and then die..... practically for no fault of hers....coudnt he visit some red light area agar itna he josh chad raha tha toh....bast***"
Miriam said "as i said...good that she died....or else would have been tortured to death...something far worse than....life.Imagine living this trauma everyday,everytime,everyminute and seconds.The feeling of being unclean...the "touch" that haunts you day and night,facing the same person at birthday parties,hammering his "gift"till it breaks into pieces,waking up in the middle of the night just to check if he is hiding behind your cupboard...the "touch"still haunting,leaving you claustrophobic,staying inside your room at a family gathering,trying to escape...god knows from what all,low in confidence...unable to trust any single guy in life...a feeling of "what if he does the same to me"....continues...trying to washup yourself just to get rid of that "touch"...unable to tell her family about this"
Karthika said" seriously.......poor girl....must have been really unlucky to go through this so early in life,anyway....yaar...arrrey,...stop the car here...infront of that juice stall...and please dont forget to bring chaucers notes on monday....i will message you...chal bye..."
"beta...agayi....look who has come to meet you...your uncle and aunty....uncle has been appointed as the president of " laddli...foundation",the organisation that works against sexual violence in the lives of young girls and women...."
"Miriam.....STOP. why dont you talk to me?arent you happy(fondling her hair)...bolo beta..."
"dare u touch me again....i will tell everything to mom,i will......"
she runs off inside to her bedroom.......tries to hide her behind the bed.....crying,her face is covered by her hands..
"jesus,why did this happen to me???kill me....i cant take it any longer......
"hello...uncle...sorry chacha....what is in that big packet??is it uncle chips or i cream??
(bell rings....)"miriam ....are you ok..??you were crying???kya hua?your eyes have turned red.."
"Karthika....am fine...its just some old memories.."
"hmm....so you dont want tell me.....chal jaana nahi hai kya??You know what Miss Perry mentioned about this 6 year old girl who was repeatedly raped by her own uncle,the girl had bruises all over her body and had severe internal bleeding,she died on the way to hospital.The icing on the cake part is that her parents refuse to lodge a complain cooz it would tarnish the name of their family.i magine, how could people do this to their daughter...and that rascal is roaming around freely....the girl has died....what gratification did that bast*** got from this??he is gonna be tortured in hell"
Miriam said" as if this gonna make any difference to the life of that little girl...good that she died,the nail marks and injuries might just vanish after some time but what about the mental injury???ought to remain for a life time...This pain would have tortured her badly for the rest of her life.Do you know the ratio of female foeticide in our country?Its like a curse...a girl child born...she is killed for no fault of her...tortured for no fault of hers and on top of made to live a creeps life....again...for no fault of her...
Karthika said" I mean how could just the family bury this thing,think about the girl....she had to bear all this pain and then die..... practically for no fault of hers....coudnt he visit some red light area agar itna he josh chad raha tha toh....bast***"
Miriam said "as i said...good that she died....or else would have been tortured to death...something far worse than....life.Imagine living this trauma everyday,everytime,everyminute and seconds.The feeling of being unclean...the "touch" that haunts you day and night,facing the same person at birthday parties,hammering his "gift"till it breaks into pieces,waking up in the middle of the night just to check if he is hiding behind your cupboard...the "touch"still haunting,leaving you claustrophobic,staying inside your room at a family gathering,trying to escape...god knows from what all,low in confidence...unable to trust any single guy in life...a feeling of "what if he does the same to me"....continues...trying to washup yourself just to get rid of that "touch"...unable to tell her family about this"
Karthika said" seriously.......poor girl....must have been really unlucky to go through this so early in life,anyway....yaar...arrrey,...stop the car here...infront of that juice stall...and please dont forget to bring chaucers notes on monday....i will message you...chal bye..."
"beta...agayi....look who has come to meet you...your uncle and aunty....uncle has been appointed as the president of " laddli...foundation",the organisation that works against sexual violence in the lives of young girls and women...."
"Miriam.....STOP. why dont you talk to me?arent you happy(fondling her hair)...bolo beta..."
"dare u touch me again....i will tell everything to mom,i will......"
she runs off inside to her bedroom.......tries to hide her behind the bed.....crying,her face is covered by her hands..
"jesus,why did this happen to me???kill me....i cant take it any longer......
LIFE: A JOURNEY
Languishing through the sorrows,deep inside there is a desire to survive,to live,to cherish-to cherish a moment from my own life or to think about when the deepest sorrows cross at points,waiting in front of me to divulge me.When i wish badly to see you,when i dream about you...when i want you to be there in front of me holding my hands,to grab me tight when i win it all over....
perhaps,all these are mere illusions left behind that hardly leave a mark to proove their exsistence.Men reason out numerous number of times one or the other but can any one reason out me....Trust no one apart from thou...Thou art my lord...my companion..my dream....my desire...my way to life.Giving the name of test to the act of betrayal,puppets still stuck tight to the string in the belief that master doesnt ditch them..... but at times they do that.. just to seek some moments of pleasure from others turmoils.You want to go deep inside the tunnel where certain differences erase after certain point of time....
but one cant sustain forever in this mere world of illusion because the only thing which life allows you to take when u bid adieu to this world is some memories and experiences...tangible though in nature.....but.....a deeper insight into those wonderful caves whoose beauty can only be appreciated when one travels through it..........
perhaps,all these are mere illusions left behind that hardly leave a mark to proove their exsistence.Men reason out numerous number of times one or the other but can any one reason out me....Trust no one apart from thou...Thou art my lord...my companion..my dream....my desire...my way to life.Giving the name of test to the act of betrayal,puppets still stuck tight to the string in the belief that master doesnt ditch them..... but at times they do that.. just to seek some moments of pleasure from others turmoils.You want to go deep inside the tunnel where certain differences erase after certain point of time....
but one cant sustain forever in this mere world of illusion because the only thing which life allows you to take when u bid adieu to this world is some memories and experiences...tangible though in nature.....but.....a deeper insight into those wonderful caves whoose beauty can only be appreciated when one travels through it..........
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
